THE SGTMAJ/MGYSGT RIVALRY LIVES ON BY ANONYMOUS MGySgt 1. When you meet a MGySgt in the passageway and say "What's up Master Guns?" He says (smiling) "What's up numb nuts". You both laugh, especially if it's a WM.   SgtMaj 1. When you meet a SgtMaj in the passageway and you say "Good Morning Sgt Major" His response will vary depending on if he is within earshot of the CO. If he is, you will get a loud motivated response, a comment on your appearance, and an inquiry as to your welfare. If the CO is not present you will get only a grunt, with no eye contact at best.   MGySgt 2. When you see a MGySgt on a Saturday morning, he's probably gassing up his $30,000 Custom Harley. He is wearing a ratty biker tee shirt, faded ripped jeans, and riding boots. He's with his 3rd wife (very cute) who is 15 years younger than him, ("met her on recruiting duty, had to DQ her"). You say "What's up Master Guns?" He responds with, "What's up Numb nuts".  You all laugh, and you wish you had a bike like that.   SgtMaj 2. When you see a SgtMaj on a Saturday morning. He's wearing a smartly pressed collared shirt, Dockers, boat shoes, and leather belt.  He's sitting by himself in the PX food court wondering what he is going to do with a day off? You walk all the way around to avoid him because you aren't dressed like a gay Tiger Woods and don't want to hear his crap on a Sat.   MGySgt 3. If you ever find yourself in the MGySgts office for a butt chewing, it's very likely you'll leave shaken, probably crying, but highly motivated to do better.   SgtMaj 3. If you ever find yourself in the SgtMajors office for a butt chewing, it's very likely you'll leave mostly knowing all about how great the Sgt Major was when he was your rank (3 years ago). However you know your Master Gunny will get you back on track, see MGySgt 3.   MGySgt 4. If you run in to the MGySgt at the club, he'll probably be a half a beer away from smacking some new WO, who used to work for him 10 years ago. He is also about three dollars away from being broke, but will borrow a $20 from his Gunny to buy you beer. However you will most likely have to hear stories about how much of a screw up he was as a troop, how much pipe he laid overseas, and how much illegal stuff he did on recruiting duty. The stories will get better the drunker the Master Gunz gets. The Master Gunz new wife will show up later to drive him home, but she won't drink as she isn't old enough.   SgtMaj 4. If you run in to the SgtMaj at the club, he'll probably be drinking water, and keeping close tabs on how much beer everybody else is drinking. He wouldn't think of inviting you, or anyone for that matter over, because he is afraid of a confrontation with any Marine that is drinking. He will always leave early (before 1800) as he has to field day his room in the barracks.   MGySgt 5. When you see the MGySgt at unit P.T. you'll be surprised how well a fat old guy can run? But more importantly you want to get in better shape so that old prick can't talk shit to you about PT anymore.   SgtMaj 5. When you see the SgtMaj at unit P.T. he'll be running back and forth yelling at the road guards, the meat wagon driver, Plt Sgts, run drops, etc. or anything/anybody that will get him attention. After the run he will call all the SNCO's together and counsel them for poor cadence, crappy cover and alignment, and generally how nobody is as good a leader as he is. Oh and by the way he will remind everyone that he is "The Sgt Major" several times.   MGySgt 6. When you call the MGySgt at 0100 and tell him that you are heading to the hospital because your wife is in labor, he'll probably say "Alright brother, drive safely and I'll see you in a couple of days. Make sure you call me if you need anything."   SgtMaj 6. When you call the SgtMaj at 0100 and tell him that you are heading to the hospital because your wife is in labor, he'll probably say "Why are you calling me?   MGySgt 7. If you happen to see the MGySgt in the barracks after 1630, he's probably just stumbled over from the club half lit, hide the W.M.s.   SgtMaj 7. If you happen to see the SgtMaj in the barracks after 1630, he's probably just passing through coming back from attending the free movie on base. Hide the MGySgt and the W.M. he is currently counseling.   MGySgt 8. If you happen to run into the MGySgt in the field, he's probably sitting on a lawn chair, joking with his Marines. He'll most likely be nursing a hang over from all the warm beer he drank at the card game with his SNCO's the night before.   SgtMaj 8. If you happen to run into the SgtMaj in the field, he'll be bird dogging the CO, rearranging the guard schedule for the 18th time, or in his hooch, wondering how he can get a fourth tour on the drill field.   MGySgt 9. If you happen to see the MGySgt at the Marine Corps Ball, he's probably about half a beer past smacking somebody (rank doesn't matter) and working on getting smacked by somebody (rank doesn't matter). He'll gladly buy you a drink if you could tell him where his medals are?  You'll need to help him find his medals, as they fell off when he was trying to break dance.   SgtMaj 9. If you happen to see the SgtMaj at the Marine Corps Ball, he's probably drinking water and telling stories about his three tours on the drill field. His wife's not there because she is a 1st Sgt who is presently on the drill field, and has duty.   MGySgt 10. If you happen to see a MGySgt talking to a SgtMaj he's probably calling the SgtMaj by his 1st name and helping him with a problem he handled when he was acting Sgt Major. (When he was a Gunny 10 years ago).   SgtMaj 10. If you happen to see a SgtMaj talking to a MGySgt, he is calling the Master Gunz,.. "Master Gunnery Sergeant" and trying his best to convince himself that he's the senior Marine.