ON BEING A MILITARY WOMAN by Pirate
 
Cathy Brookshire is developing & directing a documentary film, Always Coming Home, recording Women Veterans’ stories. The project is grant funded and supported by University of South Carolina. I’ve attached a flier about the film that requests participation by Women Veterans. This is an important project. During the past year I’ve had many opportunities to recognize the silence of Women Veterans, and how often we are unrecognized as veterans, even by ourselves. In addtion to my recent encounters with homeless women veterans at the West LA VA, I recently vacationed with family in Branson, MO, which has been for the past 25 years a favorite hang out of my mother and stepfather’s. This was my first visit to the Ozarks since the 1970s when I canoed and fished the Current River and learned to water ski in Lake of the Ozarks. Branson is in the Bible Belt Ozarks, one of the most patriotic areas of our nation. Many sons and daughters of the Ozarks have served in our military and have given their lives in this war, to the cause our country has undertaken to bring freedom to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan, many of whom are being pulled through a knothole in order to learn about the freedoms so many of us in this country take for granted. How can you understand freedom if you’ve never experienced it? What a great responsibility our country has undertaken, to teach these newly free people the right use of freedom! And in this country, we are still learning! During the last show we attended in Branson, the Pierce Arrow comedy and musical revue, veterans were asked to stand. More than a hundred people were attending the show. I stood with the others, maybe three dozen veterans. I was the only woman veteran standing. Throughout our trip, my stepfather wore a cap that says he’s a veteran. He served two years in the Army during the 1960s. I served 20 years on active duty, from 1978 – 1998. I don’t feel comfortable wearing a cap or a button that says I’m a veteran. People still stereotype military women. That’s only one reason we remain silent. The enlisted ranks are hardest on women, those ranks that are filled from the underbelly of our country, from the poorest areas, like the Ozarks and the deep south, and the small towns across America where people still wave flags with pride and hope prayer will someday again be allowed in public schools, that the Pledge of Allegiance will remain unchanged, and that our currency will always say “In God We Trust.” Enlisted women, and military women in general experience a Catch 22 situation nearly every moment of their careers, no matter how long or how short – their families and the civilians they encounter don’t get it - why would any woman want to serve in the military, particularly during wartime? And, the men they serve with often carry that same attitude. If we’re silent, no one will think we expect special treatment. If we’re silent, we won’t be accused of grandstanding. If we’re silent, we continue a tradition observed by military women since women began serving, hundreds of years ago – a tradition of endorsing our state of inequality, a tradition of punishing women who do speak out about inequities of service, a tradition of self-punishment through collusion that continues to allow women to be treated as “The Other,” and “Less Than.” For me, after a few years I got tired of explaining why I served. No one really understood. After a while, I stopped caring that at every turn I was perceived as alien, as an anomaly. After a while, it just became easier not to mention what I did for a living. So it came as no surprise that the many people in Branson who thanked my stepfather for his service never guessed that I might have served, too. And it came as no surprise that he has never once introduced me to anyone as a Marine who served 20 years active duty. It came as no surprise that while he was smiling and receiving the thanks of so many people in Branson, MO, who thanked him simply because he was wearing a hat that showed he served, that he never once pointed to me and said, “This is my daughter, she served, too.” I stood beside him and smiled, grateful that he was receiving well-deserved recognition, and saddened to realize that many military women who have served in the wars at hand are standing by just as I am, wondering when will this attitude change? I suppose you could say that I could have just as easily stepped in and mentioned my service, and then maybe I wouldn’t have felt left behind. To be honest, I’ve never done that in my life. That’s not what military people do. The first time anyone thanked me for my service was a few years after I retired from active service. I was at a Halloween party, dressed as a killer bee, wearing cammie trousers and a bee vest, along with a bandit mask and a pair of wings. No stinger. A woman asked me about the trousers, how I’d gotten them. “They’re part of the uniform I used to wear as a Marine,” I said, and I expected rejection. I figured she would be done talking with me at that point, because it’s been my experience that women without military experience find my experience, and me, frightening. They label me as “Not One of Us,” as “Not a Woman-Something Else.” Of course, that’s just 32 years experience speaking – I could be assuming. No, actions really do speak louder than words. At the Halloween party, this genteel Southern woman simply said, “Thank you for your service.” I was speechless, stunned. That was 2002 – 24 years into my military association. So, the work Cathy Brookshire is doing is important not only for historical purposes, but also for cultural reasons. Our military women deserve recognition – more so than ever. Their differences from military men should be celebrated – they bring so much and add so much to the successes of our military mission. No, they aren’t special or unique, but they are different. And as is always the case when difference is celebrated as “adding to” rather than “taking away,” our military women deserve the thanks of this country and their fellows. They deserve acceptance. They deserve being recognized for carrying their share of the wartime burden, while still doing what women have always done: create connections across lines of gender, race, religion and politics. If War is the Father of all things, then Peace is the mother. It takes two. I hope that Cathy’s film will shed light on the essential part of military women not only within the ranks but also in society. I hope if you are a woman veteran willing to share your story to improve understanding both in the ranks and in the civilian community, you will contact Cathy to share your story. Your stories are always welcome at MilSpeak Memo, too. The important thing is telling your story, sharing it, to build understanding and engender improved communication among us all. And, if you are in a position to pass this flier along to Women Veterans, please do, whether they are on active duty or not. Most importantly, I hope that for those of you who feel a bit of fear striking your heart at the very notion of these women sharing their stories, fear that springs from the misguided notion that telling is wrong and secret keeping is loyal, fear that springs from thinking that military women who tell the truth will shed light on the darker aspects of service, on gender discrimination, promotion inequity, and the misbelief that women cannot be good leaders or serve in combat alongside men without disastrous consequence, I hope that those of you who feel that fear will rethink old notions and prejudices so that the military women who are giving so much toward preserving American freedoms by serving in wartime will receive the recognition and equality, and thanks of the American people, that they have earned, deserve, and long for. Yes, long for – they will never admit, but I will. It hurt to stand beside my stepfather and to realize that my own family neither understands nor accepts my military service. Thank you for making a difference in the lives of military women by taking action to recognize their service in any way you can.

USMC Fourth Bn Sergeant Major, SgtMaj Stephanie Murphy (L) pictured at 4thBn with Pirate, who, as SSgt Wyndham, was SgtMaj Murphy’s Senior Drill Instructor.