MY LIFE AS A MARINE’S MOTHER BY PATRICIA TUMLISON

MY LIFE AS A MARINE’S MOTHER
BY PATRICIA TUMLISON

My life as a Marine’s mother began the evening my daughter came home from work and woke me with the news of her life changing decision. We had been discussing the possibility of her entering the military on several occasions. She was in her senior year of High School, and she had been meeting with the different recruiters to examine her options. She had been working full-time at Taco Bell, but she felt her work wouldn’t afford her the life style she had in mind. She witnessed me struggling most of my life to make a living and she felt there had to be an easier way to accomplish her goal of going to college. She told me after sitting down with a recruiter from each branch of service that she had in fact decided on enlisting in the Marine Corps. She felt they had the best educational benefits, and she wanted to be one of the few and the proud. She wanted to be the best, and in her opinion that was the Marines Corps. I knew from the time that I held her little body in my arms, and I looked into her beautiful brown eyes that she would be a very strong independent woman someday. Her birth had been certain proof of just how strong she was. When I went to the hospital to give birth to what I was told by my doctor should be a big healthy boy, I was in for quite a surprise. I had made the decision to have my baby naturally, as I had already given birth to two boys each with an epidural. Something had just told me to have this baby drug free. As the hours of labor slipped by, I had visions of what my baby would look like. With my first two children: one came out a brunette with green eyes, and the other was a blonde with blue eyes. There were a lot of possibilities for this one. I prayed so hard for a little girl that would be just like me. Throughout my pregnancy friends teased me and told me I was going to have twins. Of course, I dismissed that thought because of my doctor’s opinion about a boy. He only detected one heart beat, and never suggested an ultra sound. In 1981 use of ultra sound or sexing a baby was not a common practice like it is now. Finally the time came for me to go to the delivery room. As soon as I delivered my baby everything became a blur to me. I heard the doctor say, “It’s a baby girl.” All I could do was cry tears of joy. I wanted to see her and hold her so badly. At this point, I hadn’t realized that something was wrong. The doctor asked me how early I was, and I told him that I was two weeks from my due date. However I had both my boys two weeks early as well. This is when the doctor said that she was too small. Then I heard the nurse, that was checking my stomach, say that she heard another heart beat. I said, “Yeah, I am alive.” She looked at me and said, “No, there is another heart beat!” That’s when the reality of the situation hit me. I was ready to panic. The doctor called for a medical team so they could put me under to deliver my next baby as it was coming feet first. Everything was chaotic. I started hemorrhaging, and I asked the doctor if I was going to die! He said, “It doesn’t look good.” I wanted to scream at him. I couldn’t possibly die and not see my babies. As I watched the whole thing unfold I was gripped with fear. Time stood still for me for what seemed like a life time. However, it only took 7 minutes for the next baby to be born. The medical team didn’t get the chance to do anything to help me. The doctor grabbed the leg of the baby and pulled it out. I had another girl! I was in total shock. He continued to bark orders at his assistants, and all of them were rushing around with great urgency. They rushed out with both my little girls before I could even get more than a glance at them. It came out that Crystal, my first daughter, weighted in at 4.5 pounds. Her twin, Dawn, came in at a mere 2.5 pounds. After spending time in the recovery room, I was finally moved to my regular room. After a few minutes a medical team brought Dawn in for me to see for the first time. She was in an incubator with tubes and wires running everywhere. I could barely see her tiny red face because of the equipment that held her on the brink of life. At that time, she was referred to as “baby B” as there hadn’t been enough time to name her. I didn’t get to touch her, but I got to say a little prayer for her survival as they rushed her out. She was taken to the Children’s Hospital in Seattle to be admitted into the Pediatric ICU unit. Crystal was strong enough to stay with me. After one month of intensive care treatment Dawn was able to come home and join the rest of the family. So you can see they both came into this world fighting to take their place. Now after shedding a few tears over Crystal’s decision to be a Marine, I realized it just fit her. A short time later we went to Seattle, Washington and I watched Crystal be inducted into the Marine Corps. She then made arrangements to go off to Boot Camp for her training. After she left I got my first taste of someone else taking care of my little girl. She had grown into a beautiful young lady, but in my mind I could still see the helpless little baby I held after her birth eighteen years earlier. She was gone a couple days when I received my first call from her. It was all of ninety-seconds and left me feeling a little shell shocked. She said, “I’m here, I’m safe, and I love you. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” I got to say I love you too, and I heard the click as she hung up. I felt hurt and distraught to think about how her drill instructor would be treating her there. I had heard a lot of horror stories, and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for her to go through. I also knew she would do just fine. She was very determined, but I hadn’t realized how difficult her being away would be for me. At the end of her training her twin sister Dawn and I came to Beaufort to attend her graduation. As she marched across the Parade Deck with the rest of her Platoon I felt my pride swelling up inside. It was indeed a very exciting moment that we shared. She looked so beautiful in her crisp uniform, and I knew at that moment that the Marine Corps had gained a lifer. The military would continue to be a part of my life as it had been since I was little. I was adopted by my older sister, as my mother felt it would give me a better childhood. We were quite poor, and I was the middle child of seven. From the time I was 12, I was raised as an Air Force military brat. Years later, I married and had two boys that both decided to enlist in the military as well. One joined the Army and the other the Army National Guard. Neither one of them chose to make a career out of their military involvement. I felt even at this early stage of Crystal’s enlistment that she would in fact stay for the total duration. She always wanted to finish anything she started, and this would be no different. Then during August of 2004, I felt a roller coaster emotion. She had been deployed to Iraq for six months, and during this time there had been public executions on the Internet. It was on the news non-stop. I spent many sleepless nights wondering what she was going through. I was proud but scared to death that she wouldn’t make it home safely, or worse she would be captured. I don’t know what frightened me more. I was one of the lucky parents. She was willing to give her life if it was necessary, but my child made it back. Following her tour of Iraq she was stationed in Hawaii. She still seemed so far away, but at least she was out of the war zone. By this time I had gone through a divorce, and was trying to figure out how to survive on my own for the first time in my life. I ran my credit cards up trying to keep myself above water, and still I was slowly drowning in debt. My children were grown and gone on their own, and I no longer had a husband to help me in a very unstable economy. The world seemed to be crashing down on me. Even if my children needed me, I had no way of helping them. This made me feel like a complete failure. My good job as lead cashier at a casino, a smoke-filled environment, caused me medical issues, so I had to give it up. I had gone to work at another place, but it didn’t work out either. Upon filing for unemployment I learned that because it was only a short time job that they tried to prevent me from getting my benefits. I was told it could be weeks before I would hear anything certain. A short time later Crystal called, and I fell apart during our conversation. Creditors were calling relentlessly for money I didn’t have. I had gone to the store for milk and while I was there someone had stolen the license plates off of my car! I didn’t think I could take much more. My daughter invited me to live with her and make a fresh start. After talking with family and friends, it didn’t take long for me to take her up on her offer. On September 22, 2006 I landed in Honolulu, Hawaii to start a new life. Hawaii appeared to be everything I imagined it would be. It was warm with a beautiful tropical breeze blowing, and I felt like I had stepped into a different world. Crystal told me to relax and enjoy a few days and not worry about anything. The first weekend I was there she threw a BBQ party to introduce me to her military family. It took very little time for me to realize that most of the Marines were willing to make me a part of their family. I couldn’t have felt more welcomed. I think that gave me the strength I needed to prove to myself that a new life was possible. I knew I still had a great deal of issues I needed to face, but I at least I felt more hopeful. I didn’t have a job to buy the medications I needed or help Crystal in any way, but she did her best to reassure me. All I could do was pray my unemployment would be approved. After being there a while I decided to try to get a job to give my new life the boost it needed. I was quick to learn that in Hawaii when you fill out an application for employment; they run a credit check to see if you are responsible. Needless to say, that wasn’t going to get me very far. However, I did manage to land a part-time job as a cake decorator for Cold Stone Creamery. The owner was willing to train me and overlook my financial misfortunes. At least it was a start. Finally a few weeks later my unemployment was approved. I decided to use it and the money I earned to pay for a Bankruptcy. It’s not something I was proud of doing, however it was a last resort to get a new start. It took several months for me to get a date to appear in front of a Judge to get a ruling. As of June 12, 2007 my Bankruptcy was final. Meanwhile one of Crystal’s co-workers told her about the possibility of her being able to claim me as a dependent since she was providing most of my care. We checked it out, filed all the paperwork, and after what seemed like forever they approved it. This opened up many opportunities for me. I obtained my military ID; got the check-up I needed, and filled all my medications. It was discovered that I was suffering from what is known as “Trigger Finger” in my thumb. My thumb would lock in place and I would have to pull on it until it released its hold. It was very painful. Thanks to the military, I received the surgery I needed to repair it. Things really seemed to be falling into place for me. However, I still had the feeling my daughter was taking care of me, and in my mind it was suppose to be the other way around. I was part of the Marine Corps family at last. The feeling I had about being alone slowly faded away, and I was becoming comfortable with my new life. Then in December 2006, we were preparing for our first Christmas in Hawaii together. Crystal informed me she was going to have a baby. It was one of the greatest days of my life. I knew this could be the answer I was looking for. I would be able to help her with the baby and in return pay her back for all she had done for me. I went to the birthing classes with her to learn to be her coach so she could have the baby naturally. I was very excited to know I would be a part of such a blessed event. Also I was scared because of the trauma I had gone through having her. Everything unfolded just as it was suppose to. On September 13, 2007 I coached her while she gave birth naturally to my beautiful grandson Anthony. He weighed 8 pounds, 8 ounces, and was perfect in every way. His eyes appeared to be a deep slate grey, and he had eye lashes that fanned out across his entire cheeks. Since Crystal gave birth to him naturally he was wide awake and very alert. When she asked me if I would be his caregiver my life felt complete once again. I gave up my part-time job and became a full-time grandmother. To me I have one of the best jobs in the world. Being part of a military family again has made me realize just how important working together is. There is no fifty/fifty. Everyone has to give one-hundred percent all the time to keep the family strong. Taking care of my grandson helps my daughter feel at ease knowing her son is in good and loving hands. When my grandson was a baby Crystal deployed for short periods, and being able to stay in touch by phone and e-mails made all the difference in the world. She realized her duty as a Marine, but also felt her duty as a new mother. I think it takes a special kind of person to keep the two in perspective. When her deployment in Hawaii came to a close she received orders to come to Beaufort, SC. I found it very unnerving to think about moving again. Crystal explained to me that the Marine Corps would take care of everything. All we had to do was tell them what we wanted done and they would take care of it. I realized that it brought back a lot of memories I had to deal with growing up as a military brat. My first overseas experience was when we got orders to go to Spain. It was exciting, but scary also. My adopted father had to drive some thirty miles to get to the base as we lived out in the town of Seville. I ended up having to quite school, as it was too far for me to go every day and there were no buses to take me. I got a worker’s permit and stayed home. My adopted mother left a short time later because of marital issues. She took my adopted sister, but I was left behind. She felt I was old enough to make it there. I was 16 at the time.I spent most of my time with the maid that they had hired to watch me. She and I became friends. I felt I should have stayed with my mother and the rest of my family by this time. Even now when difficult issues arise, I get stressed. Crystal thinks it’s because I am afraid of change. Being separated from family and friends is never easy on any level. Having to say good-by is one of the reasons I find myself avoiding getting involved with any one on a personal level. It is just easier that way. It was bad enough that I had bought a cockatiel bird and had to sell him rather than put him through the stress of a move. It was heartbreaking, but one of the realities of military life. I had to think about what was best for the bird and put my feelings aside. We ended up getting to take a thirty-day leave before reporting in Beaufort, so we went to Washington State to visit our family and friends. It was great to see them, but I knew we would eventually have to say good bye again. While we were there I decided it was best that I get rid of the things I had been keeping in a small storage unit. It was costing forty dollars a month, and it cost too much for me to ship it to our next location. I picked out one box of things that I couldn’t part with that held a lot of sentimental value, and I mailed it to our new address in Beaufort. I didn’t have the time to sort through everything, or figure out what to do with all of it. I knew there was a great deal of emotional baggage attached to some of it, and finally after pushing through the tears and memories both good and bad we loaded the majority of it up and dropped it on the doorstep of Goodwill. I knew someone would give it a good home. It was time for me to move on. Once I was done with everything and we boarded the plane to come here, I closed the door on that part of my life. It certainly wasn’t an easy thing to do. Our move to Beaufort went relatively smooth. The military took care of all our needs and even had a house picked out for us. Just like in Hawaii I have found that most of the Marines treat us like we are all family. This is a very reassuring feeling. We have been in Beaufort for a year now, and we have roughly two years to go before we will be faced with yet another move. I’m still having issues about getting involved with anyone beyond friendship, but I’m taking steps to try to live in the now and not worry about what the future holds. Taking this class is one of those steps. I recently discovered that Crystal is going to have another baby sometime in March of 2010. I couldn’t be more thrilled. I will be honored to take care of the new baby with as much love and care as I have my grandson for as long as they need me. My involvement with the Marines and military life has really brought to light some of the things they have to go through to serve their country and ensure our freedom. I see the sacrifices that have to be made, but I also see the rewards they gain and the pride they feel. I believe this is the best way I can make a difference in at least one Marine’s life, and I am very proud to say I am a Marine’s Mother.

Patricia Tumlison was born March 23, 1948 in Fremont, Ohio. She is a mother and grandmother. Patricia graduated from Pierce College in Puyallup, Washington in 1998. She majored in Medical/Transcription and Word Processing. She now resides with her daughter, Crystal in Beaufort, SC where she is now a full-time caregiver for her two year old grandson Anthony. Another grandchild will arrive sometime in March of 2010 of which she will care for also. Her life-long dream is to continue her writing and become a Published Author. Her unpublished works consist of: Two poems written for her grandchildren • ALYSSA’S VIRTUAL VACATION—A fantasy vacation she shares with her granddaughter when they close their eyes and dream. • FAMILY LOVE—About the love between herself, her daughter, and her unborn grandson Anthony. Three Manuscripts: 2-complete, 1-still being written SNOWBIRD’S ADVENTURE (complete) Based on a trip the Author took around the United States with one of her best friends that lasted over a year. The work and struggles they went through to get back where they started from to be reunited with the Author’s children. How his alcoholism took over and brought his life to a tragic end, and how the Author managed to survive it all to experience yet another adventure in life. SHADOW OF A FRIEND (complete) A story about the friendship the Author shared with one of her girl friends that spanned sixteen years. How their friendship came about and how it ended when her friend lost her struggle with a brain tumor that over took her life. Her friend is gone, but will never be forgotten. JOURNEY BACK TO SELF (unfinished) A story about the struggles the Author went through over the course of the last fifty plus years facing alcoholism, abuse, divorce, and bankruptcy. How she has managed to survive even when it seemed beyond hope. The Author discovers her child within and becomes the person she feels she was meant to be.